| posted on 12.21.2011 at 10:50 PM
I Took Him Back to WalMart
My ex-husband and I fought constantly
Why I married him I’ll never know.
For all those miserable years I said
My hubby has got to go!
Tried poisoning cakes, stripping his brakes,
Salting his pork chops with lime.
Wiring his chair, igniting his hair
Even though playing with fire is a crime.
But I failed at each plot ‘til I suddenly thought
Of a way that would set me free!
I got rid of him for good and, know what?
They couldn’t do a thing to me!
I took him back to WalMart!
They’ll take anything back you know!
They said they couldn’t recall selling him,
But they must have if I said so.
They just credited him to my Visa and said,
“Ya’ll come back now, ‘ya hear?”
They were so nice, polite, pleasant and insistent,
I took back his mother the next year!
They’ll take anything back to WalMart,
Though it’s broken or rotten or sweet.
And know what else? This time of year
You don’t even need a receipt!